To The Moms in Waiting:
Just wanted to send this message to those moms, out there, who are having trouble getting pregnant, staying pregnant, or adopting a child. I know how it feels. And, I want to give you some hope, today.
I Know How it Feels
There’s nothing more difficult than a woman mourning the loss of her child or the feelings of inadequacy in not being able to have a child. In this blog post, I want to validate every woman who is sad on Mother’s Day, because I’ve been there.
I know how it feels to try AND TRY to get pregnant. And, it’s just not happening. I went through this awful cycle of feeling like a failure, for so many years. I can’t even count the number of “Mother’s Days”, that I had to spend, with a lump in my throat. Fighting back the tears. Of course, I could celebrate my beautiful mom! My wonderful mother-in-law. Of course, I was happy for all of my friends who were mommies! But, I’d be lying to say that I wasn’t hurting so badly inside on just about every Mother’s Day, for the past twenty years.
That’s a long time.
Then there are those church services in which they give out flowers on Mother’s Day. (How can you blame them?) Then, a special recognition to the youngest mom. The oldest mom. The newest mom. The mom with the most children.
Oh. So. Hard.
I know how it feels, whenever a friend or family member gets pregnant. It seems like some women can get pregnant whenever they want. And, then there’s you. How are we supposed to feel when this brutal reminder of inadequacy practically slaps us in the face? Over and over again.
I know how it feels, every month, when you get your period. When all you want is to NOT GET YOUR PERIOD, for at least nine months. And, for me, having severe endometriosis meant several days of labor-like pains. “Really God? Why do I even get a period if I’m not even able to conceive a child!? And, to add insult to injury I have to suffer with pain…for what?”
I know how it feels to practically beg the Lord for an answer to your prayers. And, wonder if God even sees you. Let alone, hears your prayers. How can such a good God deprive a woman her most precious ability? How can He allow so many babies, out there, to get aborted? Neglected? Abused? And, not answer a woman who just wants to love a child, with all of her being?
I know how it feels to to go through infertility treatments. If I had a dollar for every needle that’s been injected into my body, I’d have enough money to adopt a child! (Don’t even get me started on the unfair costs of a private adoption.) And, then… I know how it feels to have an infertility doctor tell you that it’s highly unlikely that you’ll get pregnant. With all the science and technology. You spend a ton of money and end up with nothing.
I even know how it feels to get pregnant, to only lose that glimmer of joy, by ways of a miscarriage. Yes, this is something I’ve never shared before, until now. I have had a miscarriage. Never before did I feel so alone in my grief. Honestly, this was the last straw for me. It was my last attempt at EVER even asking or trying for a child.
As a Foster Mommy, I know how it feels to have a child in your care for two years…and then one day have her taken away. By people who made you feel that you were the bad guy for having her, loving her, and looking out for her well being. I know how it feels to have a child you bonded with out there, in the world, knowing that she will never know that you were her mommy for her first two years of life. All the sacrifices you made… It feels like a death. A very lonely experience to grieve.
Oh, friend. I’ve been there.
But, I do have good news for you…
Your Mother’s Day is Coming!
I know what you’re feeling and how you’re feeling, right now. If you’re not able to spend Mother’s Day with your own mom, for whatever reason, my heart goes out to you, even more. (I hug my mom extra tight, every Mother’s Day knowing that I will not have her in my arms forever.)
One thing I can share with you, today, is a message of hope. You see, just two weeks ago, my husband Scott and I finally adopted a son! God has finally answered my prayers. It felt like FOREVER. I went through so much heartache, before it happened. BUT, GOD HAS COME THROUGH FOR ME. And, I know He’ll come through for you, too.
My little boy is named Chase. He’s a year and a half, and the most beautiful little boy I’ve ever laid eyes on. He’s so full of life! So many people even say he looks like Scott. (If that’s not a God-thing, I don’t know what is!)
It’s taken me 46 years to be a mom. Who would have EVER thought that it would take so long? Not this girl. But, here I am. Honestly? Feeling incredible, even at my age! God knew what He was doing.
The worldly perspective is that you’re too old to have a child after 35. But, remember this. God’s ways are NOT our ways. Today, I came across this bible verse that makes so much sense to me, NOW!
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19
There are other scripture verses that I cling to whenever I feel forgotten. Whenever I am tempted to believe that God is not answering me. After I go through a heartbreak or a trial. I want to share these verses with you because I believe that they can help you to NOT LOSE HOPE! Here’s just a few…
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12
But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1
Friend, I just want to remind you, that your Mother’s Day is coming! It may not be in your time. But, in God’s timing, you are already everything he created a woman to be! Repeat after me, “My Mother’s Day is coming!”
Trust in the Lord with ALL OF YOUR HEART! And, try to put your heart’s desire in His hands. Don’t let the enemy rob you from another day of joy! Spend Mother’s Day being kind to yourself! Treat yourself to something nice like a massage, a bike ride… Whatever you do, please do not loose hope. I really believe that the Lord put this on my heart to share with even one person reading this, right now.
Your Mother’s Day is coming.