Have you seen this movie, yet? It looks hilarious! Can you let me know if it’s worth a trip to the box office? I don’t know about you, and I don’t know if it comes off any other way, but I have my share of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. We all have different burdens (a health issue, a sick relative, extreme stress, a failing marriage, a broken heart, a difficult job, etc.) For me, it seems like if it’s not one thing it’s another. Do you feel that way?
My health has a tendency to determine my day. Both my Endometriosis and PMDD symptoms can often take precedence over my plans. Some days, I can manage the symptoms and carry on normally, but at least half of each month the symptoms are debilitating. It can be impossible for me to function “normally”. I’m often resorting to a plan B.
Perhaps I mention it too much…or not enough? But, I just feel the need to balance my posts (which are typically exciting things such as the progress on The House on High Street) with the not-so-exciting things. Remember, I don’t EVER want to come off like, “Look at me! I have the perfect life! I’m the poster woman for living PERFECT!” I think we have enough of this going around.
I want to be someone you can relate to, on the good days and the terrible, horrible, no good very bad days. I want you to know that I am right there with you. Sometimes, it helps knowing that we’re in this together!
Do you have many more good days than terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days?
Are you as healthy and as fit as you would like?
Do you jump out of bed in the morning and/or stay up as late as possibly to prolong your day?
Do you have the kind of relationships that make you want to share your TRUE SELF?
Are you happy with your career, parenthood, livelihood?
Are you living out your dreams?
Is your marriage everything you had hoped? Or, are you hopeful in a GREAT marriage very soon?
Are you spending your time doing what you need and what you want?
Are you bouncing back from the mishaps in your life with hope and new fervor?
Are you growing closer to God over time?
Are you CERTAIN that you are living the life God planned for you?
Well? Did you answer more of these with a YES? Or, a NO?
If it’s any consolation, there are MANY days that I could answer NO to most of these questions. I am often tempted to feel discouraged, confused, and hopeless due to my far-from-perfect circumstances.
I know what you’re thinking. “But you’re a Christian, Rachel! Why would you have days when you feel hopeless and discouraged?” Why would you suffer at all if you have faith in a perfect God who loves us?”
Please know this. Christians suffer. In fact, the Christians I know who are truly living out their faith (not just using the title for personal convenience)…are SUFFERING. OFTEN. And, yes it feels unfair.
I question God sometimes, “Why on earth are YOU allowing this to happen to ME!? I’m a proclaiming Christian; the kind that WANTS to share my faith with others! How on earth (literally) am I supposed to attract others to YOU if and when they look at my life and think ‘NO WAY! My life is so much better than hers. I have so much more to keep me happy where I am!’?
I actually reread my own post called “Christianity is not for Wimps!” the other day, and it helped redirect me to the scripture I quoted (Romans 3:5) which beautifully explains how our character is refined through suffering. (That’s the benefit in writing, sometimes. You can capture the encouragement and pull it out on a rainy day.)
I don’t just have a bad day here and there. Sometimes I have a series of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.
I had an AWFUL week last week. So bad that I’m still recovering. Our bank loan was delayed another week. That makes it almost four months of delay on the house. Scott and I are barely holding on to our momentum. One of my doctor’s gave me bad news (nothing detrimental…just not positive, as I was hoping). My new therapist turned out to be just another so-called professional who knows NOTHING about PMDD. Scott was tired and super cranky. And, I just wanted to be on a beach somewhere sipping mimosas!
If I haven’t said it before, I’ll say it here. I hate the symptoms of Endometriosis and PMDD so much that some days I want to literally crawl out of my skin!
The pain of endo is one thing; and even though it feels like someone is holding a lit match on your insides, it’s a walk in the park compared to PMDD. You see, the latter affects your brain so severely that you become paralyzed. You can’t move, think, decide, get up, get ready, get out, or do just about anything without an internal battle. (It’s different for every one-out-of-a hundred lucky woman that have this.) My symptoms are unique, and I like to remind myself how God promises us that He will never give us more than we can handle. Perhaps women with PMDD have amazing brains to begin with??(sarcasm)
The other day started out terrible, horrible, no good, and very bad! Shortly after I woke up, had my coffee, and did my daily reading, I felt a very dark cloud come upon me. I felt PARALYZED. And on top of that, it’s as if there were voices in my head telling me that I was worthless, my situation was hopeless, and my future was pointless. Have you ever had these feelings?
I felt disappointed in my lifestyle. I didn’t feel healthy. I didn’t feel like exercising. I didn’t feel like making or taking phone calls. I didn’t want to leave the house (condo). I didn’t feel like cooking, cleaning, resuming a house project, or even writing a post. I think I felt more angry than depressed. I was ANGRY at my Endometriosis and PMDD. I got to that point where I reached my limit.
That’s when I typically end up praying sarcastically. “Um, Gee God…do ya think I can handle anymore over here??” or “God, do you know how LONELY it is living with an illness that nobody seems to understand?” or, “God, if a day to me is a thousand years to you, does that mean if you answer my prayer tomorrow I won’t even get to see it come to fruition?!”
Do you feel me here?
Fortunately, I managed to call Scott around lunch time, and even though I wasn’t anticipating his intuitiveness, he somehow got me to open up and share how I was feeling. I’ll admit, it is getting harder and harder for me to do this. Maybe it’s because I’ve lost trust so many times in the past.
Scott and I went for a long walk later that day. It felt good to be able to be myself and have a friend to talk to. He made me laugh, gave great advice, took me out for dinner (so I didn’t have to cook), and made me the best ice cream sundae at home, for dessert. (NO. I did not feel guilty!) I was grateful. I realized that God did hear my prayers. He made it possible for Scott to just be there with me. I felt like he and I were in it, together. That meant the world to me.
Before I went to bed, I thanked God for rescuing me from another terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. My situation didn’t change, and I’m pretty sure I’ll feel this way again soon. But, God came through. I remembered that God has a plan for me no matter what, and all these bad days may be the reason why I have such a desire to encourage others.
LE Woman wouldn’t be here if my life was perfect.
I don’t know if you’re having a good day or a bad one, but please remember that God is a very present help in our circumstances. If you’re suffering, you can CHOOSE to recognize the work that God is doing in you and in your life. Hang in there, today. Tomorrow may be the best and most important day of your life. God wants our faith on the good days and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.
If you feel like you’re alone, please remember that I am right there with you. We’re in this together!