I have a confession. After Banana arrived in September, I began to fear that after having my heart’s desire, that it would be taken from me. I know fear does not come from God. Still, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I felt very undeserving.
A few months ago, a friend visited me at the house and said, “Wow, Rachel. You have it all.” It didn’t make me happy hearing this, although I believe she meant it as a compliment. It added to my unsettledness in fearing that I was undeserving.
Thankfully, my dad helped put things in perspective, for me. At one time, when he and my mom were visiting (with other family friends who were admiring the house), he said something that I’ll never forget. He said, “Ya know. People can come in here and say ‘Oooh. This is such a nice house. And wow, you’re so fortunate.’ But, little do they know or even realize the amount of time, sacrifice, sweat, and FAITH that made this possible.”
Dad was right. A lot of people don’t know our story. Some are living a double life, acting as if they are honky dory. (Did I spell that right?) Others may seem to have it all, but it came after a lot of trials and adversity.
I don’t mind sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sometimes, I highlight the blessings in my life because I want to give full credit to the one who made it all possible. My Lord and savior! Ironically, even if I lost everything (and went back to where I was 3 years ago), I wouldn’t think of myself as less fortunate. It just so happens that during the times of brokenness, the Lord was very near. That’s right. What I am saying is that I felt God’s presence more when I was brokenhearted than I do now.
I’m not saying the Lord’s spirit does not dwell in my home. Nor, that I am not growing in my faith. I found a new church (since moving to The House on High Street, and trying a few here and there). Scott likes this one, too. We go together with Banana. (Who also likes it!) I still like to start each day reading God’s word and praying. (Sometimes, it’s so interrupted having Banana that I don’t finish until my head hits the pillow.) Amongst my many imperfections, my heart belongs to the Lord.
But, it’s been a while since I experienced God’s divine intervention. Up until recently, that is.
Lately, my prayers have included something like this, “God, I miss you. My life is so busy and fulfilled right now. Is that why I don’t hear your voice as much as before? Are you pleased with me, Lord? Am I supposed to be doing more now that I have the answers to my heart’s desires?”
The thing I love about my new church is that they begin each sermon with a reminder to consider the next step in your faith. There’s always a next step for all of us. So, if you are not a believer, you could be pursuing this by attending church, reading the bible, etc. After you become a believer, you could be baptized. If you’re a baptized believer, you can share the gospel, be in a small group bible study, or consider a service opportunity. There’s always a next step.
I’ve been stuck on the same step for a long, long time.
I tried gathering a few women for a monthly bible study. (I know how busy most women are.) That really didn’t work out. There was something that came up, just about every month. (I’m guilty, too. I almost forgot one month!) I know a lot of Christians who do mission work or serve in some way. I never had the time to do this. Now, with Banana, my options are limited.
This week I experienced divine intervention.
First, the Lord placed a burden on my heart. I was reminded that being a foster parent is an act of service. Maybe it’s time to welcome another foster child into our home. Scott and I were not ready after Banana arrived because (obviously) she required 100% of my time and energy. We thought about waiting a while before fostering another newborn. We didn’t want to have two babies at once. (Kudos to parents of twins and triplets, etc.) I don’t have the stamina for that.
But, what if there is a child out there, right now, attending school and feeling so unloved once the bus drops him off, back home. What if there is a child that God already has appointed Scott and me to foster? This is on my heart. Scott and I have the heart and the home to love another child!
I’m praying for this, right now. A divine intervention.
This leads me to another experience I had this week. The weather has been beautiful, so I took my first walk in the park with Banana and Cooper! Yes. Both. It was lovely. Aside from me running over Cooper’s leash with the stroller about three HUNDRED times. Anyway, at one point I passed a few bikers gathering in the parking lot and I immediately thought about a good friend of mine (who has trained for triathlons) and now is battling a rare form of leukemia. I called her immediately. She picked up on the first ring and said that she was literally passing my house when I called. I told her that I was at the park around the corner. Within a few minutes we were walking together. This led to conversation about the experience my dear friend was having with her illness. It broke my heart. I asked her if I could pray with her, and we sat there…Banana in her stroller…Cooper sitting at my feet…hand in hand, praying. For a divine intervention.
I shared some scripture verses that I knew would encourage her. My favorite…
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
It’s so true. This verse doesn’t say that the Lord is close to those who are going through the peaks in their lives. It says that He is close to the brokenhearted. I experienced divine intervention when I was brokenhearted. It happens to the best of us. It can happen at any time. Sickness. Divorce. Financial Struggles. Loss. Miscarriage. Infertility. All of it can happen at any time. But, know this. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
In closing, I want to share a quick story that I told my dear friend yesterday, as we walked in the park.
A few years ago, when Scott and I finally sought out an infertility specialist, I was so happy thinking that finally I would get the help I needed to become pregnant. Words cannot express the level of excitement anticipating every single moment (I now have) being a mom. I’m sure you can imagine the brokenness in my heart upon receiving a very discouraging phone call from my doctor. In a nutshell, the treatments were not working. For the record, I know we could have kept trying other treatments and perhaps we would have gotten pregnant. I just had no peace about it. Even when I started to considered it, there would be something preventing me from going forward.
The day after receiving this news from my doctor, I took a walk around the block. I was fighting back tears and a lump in my throat. I may have even whispered it out loud. “God, why? I thought you’d give me a child.”
Just then. And, I mean right then. I stepped on something. I look down, and what do I see?
A pink. Deflated. Baby balloon.
That was divine intervention. God was VERY CLOSE to my broken heart, that day. While I can’t say that it was soon after my prayers were answered. And, some may not even understand why I am so fulfilled “fostering” this baby girl that I have. Loving her as a daughter. But, perhaps though divine intervention, God has fulfilled my heart’s desire. The day I walked on that balloon I knew that I needed to hold God at His promises.
If you’re brokenhearted, please know this. God is near! He is right there. In it with you. Will you trust Him?
And, if you’re an unbeliever, please consider praying that God reveals Himself to you. He will. If you are a believer and you are stuck on a step, please pray that God will position you for the next one. Maybe it’s sharing your faith with your friends. Perhaps it’s joining a bible study or starting a ministry.
We all have a next step, and it may be there that we experience a divine intervention.