I’m coming off of another hiatus. I guess it’s just not meant for me to ever feel settled long enough to establish a pattern in my life. (sigh) This is why I started writing my mantra, Living Extraordinary. It means valuing the uniqueness of our lives and living every nook and cranny to its potential.
Let me share with those of you who missed my update on FB what happened with Banana. A beautiful 2-year old foster child that has been reunified with her Bio Family on her second birthday; after spending her first 2 years of life with us.
Banana was reunified with her Bio Family in August. It’s been difficult for us, but not much more difficult than the previous nine months. We had to helplessly stand idle as she was removed from us for very long visitations- the change was rather significant and abrupt; after spending her first year of her life growing so attached to us and her environment. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life.
I’ll be honest, this has definitely affected me. A part of me will never be the same. I may have very thick skin, but I cannot watch another person suffer. I have far too many memories of Banana crying, pleading with me to not turn my back on her, becoming physically ill, and regressing. I spent so many nights on my knees pleading with God to help her. She had already been through a rough start in life. It’s definitely by the grace of God (and prayers by our loved ones) that is helping me to accept that God allowed for this to happen for a reason. We may never know, in this lifetime. But, someday, I do hope and pray that I can make better peace with the “Why did it happen in a way that caused her so much suffering? Couldn’t it have been a better transition for her? WHY did it happen at the most critical and needy age of her life? Why were we the only ones who were advocating for HER? Why was she the only one who had to suffer and give up everything she loved?
Banana probably thinks we abandoned her, by now.
This. breaks. My. Heart. Every. Single. Day.
I do know that she will be “ok”. I don’t know if she will ever bond the same. Being ripped from us at her age is something that most experts don’t even understand. We didn’t want it to happen this way, but it did. I do know that her Bio Family loves her. I also know that God will keep Banana safe and grant her the desires of her heart. I do hope that miraculously, Banana and her Bio Family will walk in faith so that God can heal her wounds. (All things are possible with God.) We will never stop praying for her and those who are caring for her.
If it were not for Baby Berry, I do believe that I could have sunk into a dark place. An I-don’t-ever-want-to-put-my-heart-out-there-again place. But, God knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t want this heart to go to waste. So, enter Baby Berry.
Baby Berry has been with us since late May. She was five weeks old, and Scott and I got to pick her up from the hospital. (She was in the NICU for the first 5 weeks.) We fell in love with her, immediately.
She has the biggest blue eyes and the cutest little face. This week, she turned 5 months. I can’t believe how fast the time goes by!
She’s rolling over. Eating cereal in her formula twice a day. And, almost sleeping the night. She is a charmer. Smiling all the time when she is held. But, heaven forbid if we put her down. The floodgates open wide, and it sounds like a seagull being slaughtered! Thankfully, she now enjoys baths and car rides. After a few minutes of her screaming I can practically feel drops of blood forming in my ears. “Thank God you’re cute!” I’ll often tell her. Then, she’ll smile and light up the room with those brilliant blue eyes.
The cutest thing about Baby Berry is how she loves to be held. She is super content to be held in just about any position. I kiss her a lot, and I think she loves it because she opens her mouth really wide. Super darling.
Baby Berry’s Biological family is working with us and we are hoping to get her back to them very soon. We know that Berry’s parents are placing her needs before their own. Once a baby hits that six month mark, she will begin to bond. If the reunification occurs after that baby is bonded, no matter what the so-called experts say, that baby will suffer irreparable harm. Nobody deserves to go through that and no foster parent signs up to witness a child suffer like this. Please pray with us that Berry is settled very soon.
So, then…What’s next for Scott and me?
Not sure. We’ve had some conversations. We are still open to fostering babies if and when we are called. We’ve talked about adoption. We’ve talked about a final round of infertility treatments. (I still have an itsy bit of time left.) Even the joys of being kid-free for the rest of our lives. We do miss being able to come and go and do whatever we want, all the time.
But, only God knows what’s in store for us.
In the meantime, I’ll just keep enjoying baby-girl heaven. There’s something so endearing about having a baby girl in the home. Ya know what they say, Sugar and spice and everything nice. I’m grateful that God has brought Baby Berry into our lives. I’m grateful that we are working with genuine bio-parents who have been so kind to us. This experience has been super positive and after what we went through with Banana, Scott and I know that there are still “good stories” to be shared in the Foster World.